Hair affair

So you know those days, when your spouse is gone on deployment, you think to yourself: "Self, I need a new look. You know, one that screams 'I AM AN AMAZING WOMAN' or some crazy statement like that?"

 

Well, today was one of those days.

 

Here's what I looked like before:

 

 

Horns growing out of my head, red eyes and silver talons. Some say I was possessed and that I scared small children. I knew I needed to do SOMETHING (and thanks to my special friend for taking this very flattering photo of me)

 

I figured since I'm a natural demon, I can't very well change my red eyes or my penchant for scaring small children, but I CAN change my hair color.

 

Could one could call that hair color above as a "dishwater blonde with evil lowlights"?

 

I needed a change. But since I have two small children, no daycare and low on funds, I did what any sane woman would do (and without her husband around to stop her).

I went to Sally's beauty supply and bought a very large tub of hair bleach. Hurried home and mixed up the evil concoction in my cauldron.

But my reserved self said "wait.. let's not do anything CRAZY without at least testing it first." So, I did a test strip- a RACING STRIPE. If I was going to mess up, at least I wanted to make it look intentional.

I checked every 5 minutes or so until I figured it was drastic enough.
This is how it came out when it was washed and dried.

So, I walked around for a day like that to see how I liked the color (or lack thereof) and started to have a little pep in my step.

 

That next night- I did my whole head.

 

After shampoo, I was left with glowing blonde locks of dripping sunshine.

 

Of course, this wasn't enough for me. Many years ago I was a yellowhead (that's what I call this shade) and had nightmares of Big Bird teaching me how to count.

 

I needed to tone it down a notch.... WITH PURPLE!!!!

 

Don't worry, it doesn't stay purple. Toner just counteracts the yellow. You know that color wheel you learned in science or art class? No? Well, don't blame you. But at least SOMETHING I learned in school relates to the real world (EAT YOUR HEART OUT TRIGONOMETRY!)

 

This was the result:

WOOHOOO! I made it! I look like I successfully entered the Witness Protection Program!
I had a new head of hair that made me feel like a million bucks.

Hold on, let me take a selfie.

Demon was EXORCISED!

 

wait- CAR SELFIE!

 

Blondes do have more fun and in the great words of my favorite platinum blonde singer:

This SH!T is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s...

Take that military lifestyle- I kicked you in the balls! I saved money by doing it myself WHILE watching my kids since my husband is gone. 

  Cuz I ain't no HOLLA BACK GIRL, ain't no hollar back girl!!!....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(For those of you wanting to know what I used and for how long: know that I'm not a professional stylist or cosmetologist- obviously, so I claim ZERO (nada) responsibility if you follow my method)

Hair length:
Wella ColorCharm powder lightener (bleach)
30 volume developer
left on for 45 minutes

Roots:
Wella colorcharm powder lightener (bleach)
20 volume developer
left on for 15 minutes

Toner:
Wella ColorCharm T-18  with 20vol developer 1:2 ratio
Applied to towel dried hair, Left in for 4 minutes
(it started turning my bleach blonde hair a silver/gray color so I then applied the Wella ColorCharm T-11 over it for 6 minutes. I think I'll stick with T-11 from now on.)

Shampoo:
Schwarzkopf Bonacure Color Save Silver Shampoo
(this purple shampoo is actually making my hair whiter the more I use it as it's taking more and more of the yellow out. SCORE! I only shampoo about twice a week)

Conditioner:
Deep Condition weekly

And say it with me: youtube is our FRIEND!

Join the Navy, Own a Home!

Moving all around the world definitely has it's perks; living in an exotic locations like Hawaii or sunny southern California. Civilians see this as a feat that they would never be able to afford and get the chance to do- which is why many sailors join the navy in the first place.

What's that motto? Join the Navy, SEE THE WORLD!

Well, those civilians would be correct: they probably can't afford to live in some of these locations and a military family's ability to do so may seem... frivolous as the Navy PAYS you to live there. Many understand it as we receive FREE housing. Hmmmm. Free rent? This MUST be a perk, right? Military families don't have to pay rent out of pocket? Wellllllllll, not so fast there, Kemo Sabe. There's a reason the government pays this and many of us don't take the time to understand exactly WHY.

Well, lets break it down, shall we?

PART 1: THE COST OF LIVING

Houses cost more in areas like Hawaii verses Oklahoma, right? Yes, MUCH more. So if "free" housing wasn't available to the military, how could they afford to live in homes in that exotic Hawaii location that cost in excess of $1 Million Dollars (for a two bedroom, non A/C, carport home) when they only make, say, $40,000 a year?

Short answer: They would be living in a tent.

What's that brah'? Need another tarp? Mahalo!

That "free" housing is just a housing development that is adequate enough to provide suitable living arrangements and a safe living environment so no one is living in a tent or in a shady neighborhood where their family would be in danger.

The housing development takes all of a members Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) as listed in item "B" below. So, in essence, we are paying for housing.

PART 2: UNDERSTANDING THE PAY

A- Service Member gets paid a base pay rate that is determined by his number of years and his rank (advancement, like moving up in the corporate world).

B- Service Member gets paid a housing allowance that is determined by his rank (that advancement thing again), whether or not he/she has dependents (scoff! I LOATHE this word!) also known as a spouse and/or children AND by the location where the service member is living. Yes, this rate changes depending on where the military member is living as it's based off the economy of that area.

 A+B= C (final amount of paycheck)

Let's take a sailor who has been in the Navy for 10 years, at the position of an E-6 and lives in Hawaii.

A (base pay)= $3,331 a month (annual salary $39,972 before taxes)  pay chart found here
B (housing allowance)= $2,952 a month (annual allowance $35,424)  Allowance chart found here
C (total amount)= $75,396 annual salary or a family of 4 to live in Hawaii (before taxes).

Yes, $75,396 annually to live like kings in Hawaii. This includes housing, utilities, food... the works!

The only crown I could afford in Hawaii

Wait, you can't live like kings on that amount? WHAT THE EFF?
Oh, you mean I should live in the "free" housing that the military provides so I can afford to eat and not live in a tent? That means you receive your "free" house but now your paycheck is once again down to...

$39,972 annually (before taxes)

You just paid $35,424 to live in base housing.

BUT you have adequate housing that is safe and in some cases, very nice. I currently reside in one of those nice areas and am soooo happy! In other cases, your washer/dryer hookups are outside in a carport, you don't have A/C and the lead paint is chipping of the wall (but don't worry, just don't let your toddler crawl on the floor then put their hands in their mouth....TRUE STORY!)

Part 3: THE NUMBERS

Let's throw a few scenarios out there to explain why this housing is available and why military often cannot afford to own a home where they are residing:

Housing allowance numbers are based on the Base Pay Annual Salary (A) of:
E-3 payrate (working in the military for 3 years): $2,034.90 = $24,418.80 annually before taxes

E-7 payrate (working in the miliary for 18 years): $4,323.90 = $51,886.80 annually before taxes

Mortgage calculator can be found here

VENTURA COUNTY, CALIFORNIA

Median Home value: $477,400

Mortgage calculator says monthly payment would be: $3,060.08

NAVY ALLOWANCE:

E-3  with a spouse/child receives $1,800  (single/no kids $1,350) 

E-7 with a spouse/child receives $2,388  (single/no kids $1,809)

VERDICT: CANNOT AFFORD TO OWN A HOME

So that means...

 The E-3 with family makes a total of $46,018 a year total in California. CALIFORNIA! If they decide to live in base housing, their annual pay goes back down to $24,418.80 and they paid $21,600 for their "free" housing.

The E-7 with a family makes $80,542.80 annually in California. If they live in "free housing" then they pay $28,656 and their annual pay is now back down to $57,886.80. 

OAHU, HAWAII

Median home value: $700,633  (home prices Kailua, Kaneohe and Honolulu averaged)

Mortgage calculator says monthly payment would be: $4,490.98

NAVY PAYS:

E-3 with a spouse/child receives $2,607  (single/no kids $1,956)

E-7 with a spouse/child receives $3,189  (single/no kids $2,613)

VERDICT: CANNOT AFFORD TO OWN A HOME

So that means: 
The  E-3 with 3 years in and has a family makes a total of $55,702.80 a year total in Hawaii. HAWAII! If they decide to live in base housing, their annual pay goes back down to $24,418.80 and they paid $31,284 for their "free" housing.

The E-7 with 18 years in and has a family makes $96,154.8 annually. If they live in "free housing" then they pay $38,268 and their annual pay is now back down to $57,886.80. 

NORFOLK, VIRGINIA

Median home value: $250,229

Mortgage calculator says monthly payment would be: $1,603.94

NAVY PAYS:

E-3 with a spouse/child receives $1,380  (single/no kids $1,077)

E-7 with a spouse/child receives $1,815  (single/no kids $1,389)

VERDICT: CAN AFFORD TO OWN A HOME *IF* OF A CERTAIN RANK

So that means: 
The  E-3 with 3 years in and has a family makes a total of $40,978.80 a year total in Virginia. If they decide to live in base housing, their annual pay goes back down to $24,418.80 and they paid $16,560 for their "free" housing.

The E-7 with 18 years in and has a family makes $79,666.80 annually in Virginia. If they live in "free housing" then they pay $21,780 and their annual pay is now back down to $57,886.80. 

THE END RESULT: 

Bam! What? Wasn't what you were expecting? How's that "free" housing that you pay for treating you now? And do NOT get me started on how much it costs for utilities/food/gas in that area!!!

I wonder if civilians truly realize how much military members make? I know some who think that we have a sweet deal (in other ways we do!) and believe we make fist fulls of money, to which they have said and I quote: "WHY DO YOU NEED A MILITARY DISCOUNT TO THE THEME PARK AND I HAVE TO PAY FULL PRICE? YOU GET FREE HOUSING!" (again, true story!)

Which prompted me to do my research.

Sound off and let me know your own experiences! Mahalo!

AHOY THERE!

Welcome to The Misadventures of a Military Spouse!

I hope that you find my rants entertaining AND truthful, yet deeply thought provoking, but definitely relatable.

I guarantee, that at any given time, you will be offended by something that you read here. Please be advised that you take risk when your greedy little eyes consume the honest truths of the world of Military Spouses. I'll make fun of some things, I'll throw the bullshit flag on others and I will NOT apologize for it- for this is my viewpoint and my experience. I encourage you to share your own expertise to allow us to exercise our critical thinking skills.

If you'd like to proceed, then let's cast away that anchor and FULL SPEED AHEAD!